


Tense

by areyouanangel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:09:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29018727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyouanangel/pseuds/areyouanangel
Summary: I'll be honest boss, I'm very new to the franchise and just began season 3, but there's a story here that I've had stuck in my head since I started watching. Canon divergent, towards the end of season 1 and beginning of season 2. Mikasa x Eren tenderness ahead.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

It was always the same nightmare. Crystal blue sky, gentle breeze, Armin and Mikasa at his side. The mindless chatter of drunken soldiers and the comfortable, familiar background fodder of carts rolling on cobblestone streets, merchant and customers haggling over pastries. The boring, dull existence of Eren's past that he'd never thought he'd come to miss so badly. Then the silence, sharp and abrupt. Blue turning to red. Everything turning to red, the streets, the houses. The Titan looming over like God coming to bring reckoning on the mindless sinners living their lives below. No mercy or justice, no reasoning. The monsters were let in, and he tries to run, but his feet are glued to the ground by hot, sticky, thick blood. He watches as his mother is picked up and devoured. He hears Armin scream out for him one last time before he's torn in half, red raindrops damping his hair. He- he sees Mikasa, eyes wide with fear- the same fear he had only seen once before in her, the day they had met. And he blinks, he blinks just for a moment because his eyes are burning, but when he opens them back up, she's gone. A mouth comes down over him, slowly, the world getting darker and darker and-

He shoots up from his bed, drenched in the fear of the never-ending nightmare he's come to endure. Next to him, Armin is sleeping on his own cot. He takes the moment to collect his breath. It was just a dream, they're here, they're fine, it was just another dream. Only, he knows that's not entirely true. The skies did turn red that day. And his mother- his mother was taken while all he could do was stare in stunned horror. Weak. Unable to help. And by any logical reasoning, he and Mikasa should be dead too.

"Hey" a soft whisper comes from the other side of his bed frame. It's dark out still, but even without the light of a candle he recognizes the frame of the person standing at the end of his bed. "I'm okay" he whispered groggily, more annoyed than he intended to sound. The shadowed figure sat on the edge of his bed.

"I know" is her only response. They sit in silence for a moment, Eren hoping that she would have taken his "okay" as a signal that she could go back to sleep. But who was he kidding, that was a fools notion from the start. He leans back against the wall that supports his bed, allowing himself to take a long, deep breath now that his lungs have recovered from the panic. "It's been four years. I should be over this by now."

"I'm not sure that the things we've seen are experiences people just…get over" Mikasa turned her head to look towards Eren. By now, his eyes had adjusted to the dark, and he could see her face. Of course, she didn't even look tired. Why would she? Being exhausted in the middle of the night was something only normal for a mere mortal, and Eren had resolved long ago that whatever Mikasa was, it was more than ordinary. Aside from the fact that it absolutely drove him nuts, how resilient and strong and decidedly better at everything she so naturally was compared to everyone else, Eren couldn't help but find it endearing.

"Did I wake you up? How did you know-"

"No, no. I was already awake. I heard you saying something, but I didn't realize what was happening until I got closer and realized you were asleep."

That's embarrassing, he thought. If Mikasa heard him, had the other recruits? The last thing he needed was to hear it from Conny or Annie in the morning over breakfast about how the boy who's vowed to kill all the titans cries about his mommy in his sleep. He turned back to Mikasa. "Why were you wake?"

Mikasa sat there for a moment, her head looking down into the hands folded in her lap. "Hey" Eren said, with more tenderness than he was used to. "Are you okay?" Mikasa met looked back and Eren, a looking a little more flustered and less calculating than he was used to.

"Huh? I, uh, yeah. No, I'm okay. It's just, well, you're not the only one who, who has those kinds of dreams, so sometimes I just, I don't want to go there. I don't want to have to see it again. So, I don't."

Eren wasn't sure what to say. In the four years since it's happened, Mikasa had made no mention that she suffered from the same torture Eren had so many nights. He figured she was haunted just as much as he was, but Mikasa had such a solid exterior. Even he and Armin, the ones closest to her, couldn't expect to get an accurate reading on what she was feeling at any point. Then, after the surprise, came the guilt. Had he just not been paying enough attention? All these years Mikasa had been the Teflon of the trio, holding them together through the brutal days, and the unbearable nights. How many times did she need him to be the strong one, and he had been to self-involved in his own pity to notice?

"I, uh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize" was all he could manage to get out. Mikasa gave a light chuckle in response. "Eren, we've all got the same cross to bear. It's okay. I wouldn't have expected you to."

"But you know, you can talk to me about them, if you want. If you need to. Even in the middle of the night, you can wake me up if you need me." At that, she gave him a smile. A genuine, soft smile that felt like he hadn't seen in years. "I know" was all she said in return.

They sat in silence for a few more moments, not uncomfortable, but not exactly peaceful either. Eren couldn't quite place what this feeling that the silence was showing him was, he hadn't experienced it before. Finally, Mikasa broke it. "There's still an hour or two before wake-up call, you should get rest while you can. You know you don't do well on little sleep."

"Yeah, well, we can't all be superhuman like you" he retorted back, the jab filling the air with the familiar feeling of their banter. Mikasa stood, and then walked over so that she was right next to Eren, standing just above him. She put her hand on his shoulder. "I'll see you in the morning, Eren" and walked off back towards her bed.


	2. A Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected oppertunity arises, leaving the 104th recruits anxious and forcing Eren and Mikasa to reflect on their plans post graduation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm so sorry this took so long to get out. School and work have been intense. I promise, promise that I'm going to dedicate to at least updating three times a month. Sorry there's so much set up and banter in this chapter, but honestly I'm enjoying writing the kids together like this, after everything that's occurred in the show to-date. A larger focus on the dynamic and relationship with Eren and Mikasa can be expected in the next chapter (: ALSO, please note, that for the sake of this fiction, I've aged our 104th recruits to 18 at the time of graduation. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy! It's shorter than I wanted it to be, but that will be well compensated for next chapter. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! Stay safe out there!

Morning came too quickly. It always does. Eren couldn’t actually remember the last time he woke up feeling well rested. His eyes had a permanent ache about them, like he could fall asleep at any time given a place and a chance to. A good night’s sleep, apparently, was just another memory of his old life. 

Warm sunlight filtered into the barracks, and the stir of his fellow recruits getting ready to start another grueling day of training filled the air. He sat up, allowing himself a very satisfying morning stretch. He was still tense from last night, and the lack of sleep was starting to affect his body as well. “Oh, good, you’re up” Armin’s familiar voice carried over towards Eren from his cot. “Shadis’ orders, we’re skipping breakfast and heading straight out into the field. You better hurry up; you don’t want to risk your rank- “ 

Eren waved an annoyed hand towards him. “Yeah yeah I get it, I’ll be quick”. He wasted no time sliding out of his cotton, brown sleep wear and fumbling with the several buckles that made up his uniform. “How are we ever supposed to gear up in a hurry when there’s a hundred buckles and latches to squirm into?” He wondered aloud, not directing the thought towards anyone specifically. 

“I guess that’s why we never see them out if it. Think of the Scouts, they must sleep in these things, just in case” The response came from Connie, who, by technical definitions, successfully suited up for the day. “You better pray you make top ten then, because apparently you can’t get your gear on under the best of circumstances” Armin, directing his gaze directly at Connie’s loose-fitting straps, gave a little snort as Connie stuttered to find a defense. He looked down and began fiddling with his straps “Ye- Yeah well, I’m not the one who’s been towing the line for the 10th spot, am I?”

“Dare you to say it the Sasha’s face” another voice rounded the corner, this time belonging to Jean, uniform and hair pressed and perfect. Bet he woke up before the sun just to fix himself up all nice, what a preen, Eren thought, grabbing his boots from under the bed and sliding his feet into them.

“Especially today, I can’t wait to see what she how happy she is on the field after being forced to miss breakfast” Jean laughed, but then groaned at the idea, flopping down on Armin’s neatly made-up cot, “isn’t withholding food considered cruel and unusual punishment?” 

“I’m sure it is” Armin responded, looking down dejectedly at the creases Jean had made in his hard work. “But what are you going to do about it? Complain to the higher ups? He is the higher up.” With that, Armin gained the courage to give Jean the nudge to kindly get off of his bed. 

“Yeah, well, when I’m in the MP I won’t have to worry about Shadis, training regiments, cruel and unusual punishment, or the outer walls ever again.” Realizing what he said, and before he could respond, Jean glanced at Eren “stand down, Titan killer. We all know how you feel about that. I’ll be cheering you on from my cushy bed while you’re out there being humanities liberator with Goldie and that broody short one.” 

Eren curled his hands into firsts, ready to pounce at the horse-faced boy’s pointed jabs, but Armin gave a little cough, meeting Eren’s gaze and saying “it’s not worth it, not right now” with his eyes. Eren resolved his best friend was right, whatever was planned for the recruits today, it probably wouldn’t be wise to get into it with Jean right before hand. He kept tally of his remarks, though, and began thinking about the best way to knock Jean down on his ass in the Mess Hall after dinner. 

\\\\\

By the time the entire unit had gathered onto the field, the sun was fully risen and beating down relentlessly on the recruits. Mikasa found Eren and Armin as soon as they left their barracks, naturally. The trio stood amongst their peers in a straight line as Shadis, a few meters across, paced back and forth staring at them. Even from a distance, the movements looked anxious and foreign on their tough as nails Drill Sargent. “What could possibly be making him nervous?” Jean, standing on the other side of Mikasa, wondered. 

“A breach in the wall? But no, surely if that had happened, we would have been notified immediately. Superior officers coming to evaluate him, maybe?” Armin suggested, and there was a murmur in agreement among the rest of them. “Whatever it is, it can’t be good news for us” Jean, the optimist, gave his final opinion on the matter. Suddenly, in the distance, a low rumbling noise emitted from behind the green hills. Shadis turned around, directing his attention to whoever was about to reveal themselves. 

As they entered the recruit’s line of vision, Eren knew immediately who had been making Shadis just so anxious. The others were still guessing amongst themselves when he interjected, excitedly “that’s the Commander of the Scouts, that’s Erwin Smith!”. “Huh?” Mikasa turned towards Eren, brows furrowed, “why? Shouldn’t they wait till graduation?”

“Who cares?!” Eren’s mouth was wide with a smile now, “if they need us now, I’m more than willing to bypass whatever torture Shadis has left for us and put my skills to real use outside the wall!” Mikasa bit her tongue. While this was Eren’s ideal situation, that could be no further from the truth when it came to what she hoped for her and her two friends. 

Mikasa had been wishing nearly every night for five years that by the end of his training, Eren would give up on the idea of joining the Scouts. She had a renewed hope when Eren was revealed to have had a top ten spot, thinking he may have changed his heart about taking it easy and joining the MP’s after the grueling, long days and nights being a recruit had given them. Instead, all his placement did was go to his head, making him even more sure of himself as humanities’ hope against the Titans. 

It’s not that she didn’t think he was strong enough. She did at first, but Eren had proved himself to her long ago at the very beginning of their time training. She’ll never forget the guilt that bloomed in her stomach when she learned that Eren had been using a faulty set of practice gear. She could never take back the biting words she said to him the night before, about how he isn’t fit to be a solider. How they should go home. Without meaning to, Mikasa accidentally lit a bigger flame in the fire of Eren’s determination to prove her wrong. To be the strongest out of the pair of them, out of all of them. And in his mind, the strongest of the strong went to the Scouts. 

With only a couple of months left till graduation, Mikasa knew that her time to change Eren’s mind was limited. She didn’t really believe she could at this point, but still. Seeing them here, now? That was probably the last nail in the coffin- Eren’s coffin, that is. Because Mikasa knew, she knew that no matter how strong and determined someone was, that the world beyond the wall bested everyone eventually. Her greatest fear was that it would be him, or Armin, before herself. 

Pain tickled her chest; she couldn’t help it. Even after so many years, the pain feels fresh each time she allows herself to remember. Her parents. Doctor Yeager and Carla. Their home. She’d lost everything she’d ever come to know and love besides Eren and Armin. Would she have to endure losing them too? She physically shook her head, trying to make the morbid thought leave. 

“Pst, look alive” she heard Jean whisper from above her, over his shoulder. He was looking down at her, eyebrows lifted. Her glazed over eyes snapped to attention at the sound of his voice. Daydreaming during training? Since when? She scolded herself. Eyes front, she saw that the Commander and his squadron were approaching the recruits fast. She took another glimpse at Eren and fought the urge to tell him to keep his mouth closed before he started drooling. 

The leader, Commander Erwin Smith, had such a disarming smile it could make someone wonder if he’d actually ever seen battle. Neatly cut, bright blond hair paired well with large, blue eyes that felt as though they might be able to convince you to do anything. Next to him, displaying quite the opposite, a smaller man with stoicism and jet-black hair that fell into his face as his horse moved with sped under him. She recognized him, of course, from the days she spent with Eren as he oogled and watched Scouts come home from their missions back in Shiganshina. 

“That’s Captain Levi, isn’t it?” Sasha whispered over to Eren. Eren, starry-eyed as ever, gave a slight nod. “Hey, Sasha, I’ll give you my bread rolls from now ‘till graduation if you go up to him and make a short joke, to his face” Connie, who was next to Sasha, elbowed her side to try and lure her into the trap. This time, Armin was the one who spoke up. “I wouldn’t, Sasha. The Captain isn’t exactly known for his good sense of humor as much as he’s known for his insane skill of violence. What’s his Titan kill count, Eren?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t think he even knows. Probably too high to count.”

“You mean to tell me Captain “looks bored out of his mind constantly” doesn’t know how to take a joke? Wow, shocking” Jean joked, this time making all of them break out into stifled fits of laughter. 

“Ahem” a foreign voice spoke. The Commander, still on horseback, towered above them. Immediately, all stood at attention and greeted him in unison. The man of the hour sat on his own horse just behind him. “Lively bunch of brats we have here” his steely gray eyes seemed to move down the row of the cadets, looking as though he could measure each of their values by a single glace. “Ah, good!” A third voice, a tall brunette woman with glasses and a wide grin revealed herself from behind the two, moving closer to the cadets on her horse. “Last thing we need is more pouty men joining the scouts” she looked down at the cadets and with a small nod towards Captain Levi said, “between me and you guys, I think we’ve got enough of those” and gave a little wink towards him. Though he clearly heard her, Captain Levi made no gesture in response, simply continued to stare down the line in front of him. 

“I’m Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps. It’s a pleasure to meet the many young faces who will soon be taking their place in our military, devoting their lives to protecting those inside the walls. I’ve been told many great things about the 104th from your Instructor Shadis. I know from experience that his praise is hard to come by, my sincerest congratulations to you all.” The way he spoke sounded so genuine, almost calming despite the deep, commanding voice he carried. “I know not all of you will be joining us in the Survey Corps as Scouts. However, I do hope that you consider all of your options when you are given the choice on graduation day. There is great honor to be had in protecting the walls from the outside. As we’ve unfortunately seen in the past few years, not even the mighty walls are invulnerable to withstand all Titans.”

Mikasa rolled her eyes involuntarily. A great honor? Who cares about honor when you’re being crushed in the hands of a giant cannibal? It frustrated her that the Commander was seemingly trying to smooth talk her peers into signing their lives away. It frustrated her even more that Eren was eating every word of it up. 

“But there will be plenty of time to think that over in the weeks to come. For now, let me explain why exactly we’re here. Recruits, this is Squad Leader Hanji Zoe” he gestured to her as she gave a salute to the crowd. “And as I believe some of you may have figured out” he paused to give Eren, Armin, Mikasa and the rest of them a lingering look “ Captain Levi”. At this, the Captain gave them a small nod of acknowledgement. “I’ve come here personally, with my best, because over the next week, we’re taking you on an expedition through the forests” the Commander must have heard the several concerned gasps from the recruits, because he quickly followed with “inside wall Rose, of course.” 

There was a break in tension from the rest of the cadets, but Eren seemed disappointed. “While your training has been nothing short of exemplary, I’m sure. With the break in Wall Maria, it has been decided that all recruits, regardless their eventual chosen placement, should be given a concentrated weeklong training on how to survive outside the walls, if it ever came to that. We will be leading you deep into the forest, as you are now. Not only will this be a test of survival, but we have several lessons planned that will test your leadership skills, along with your strength, agility, and unity.”

Unity? Eren thought, giving a quick glance over at Jean. Whatever. It’s one week. Not like Jean will end up with me in the Scouts, especially not after whatever we have to go through this week. 

In the background, Eren was aware that the Commander was still speaking, but he was lost in his own thoughts. This, admittedly, was like heaven to him. He’d been dying for a chance to meet some Scouts, to truly show off the skills he’s worked so hard polishing over the past five years. But, still, this wasn’t typical protocol. How dangerous had it been for them out there that they needed to come and evaluate trainees? What would happen to those who perform exceptionally well out there? Would they be forced to join the Survey Corps? That didn’t seem like something the Commander would do, but perhaps those over him left him no choice but to follow orders. This isn’t a problem as far as he was concerned, nothing, not Jean’s ignorant words or Mikasa’s endless arguments on why they should join the MP’s or Garrison could phase Eren now. He glanced over at Mikasa. As always, she was impossible to read. Not unlike Captain Levi in that regard, something he found funny considering she always made a point to tell Eren how overrated he and his position were. “So, he’s killed a lot of titans. He’s strong. But how many have died because he’s led them into Titan territory?” She would always say to him. 

The worst part about that argument was Eren didn’t have a good enough response to prove her wrong. Yes, people died every time they went outside the walls. But people die inside the walls too. And somebody has to be the one to make the sacrifice, right? Deep down, however, he understood Mikasa. Not because he feared for his own life, but because he knew, no matter how much she didn’t want to, she would follow him into the Scouts. Armin too. So many nights he’d talk in circles with them- how their lives didn’t have to revolve around him. The argument was as useless as Mikasa’s was to him. 

At night, he’d spent a lot of time wishing that they would change their minds. It wasn’t too late, there was still time. It was a hope that grew more fleeting as they inched closer to graduation, but one that still burned within him. He couldn’t lead the two people he loved most into death. He didn’t know how he would reconcile the guilt if he lost either of them. He didn’t know if he had it in him to lose more family. 

“Eren?” Armin broke Eren from his thought. The formation had broken, the Commander and his comrades long gone as the rest of the 104th trailed behind them, heading eastward. “Huh?” was all he could manage out. “Are you ready?” Mikasa, next to Armin, carefully glanced over Eren. She could always tell when something was bothering him. Eren was thankful she didn’t inquire about it right then and there. He looked past the duo at his peers as they gained ground ahead of them quickly. 

“Oh, they meant _right now_ right now, huh.”

Mikasa sighed, “come on, you can’t be daydreaming during instruction if you’re going to be a Scout, you know.”

The warmth Eren had felt for Mikasa as he was lost in thought dissipated and quickly replaced itself with familiar annoyance at her (unbearably correct) nagging. She was right, but, come on, she didn’t always have to say it.


End file.
